Poisoned Apples
by giruveganus
Summary: It's a lovely, yet revolting poison that he chooses to take.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I was inspired to write this after reading one particular fanfic and I remembered a request on BBB for something about Yu's fridge diving…and out popped this fic! I love writing dark things, and I especially love darkness and blood in my yaoi. I have a couple of more fics…when I get around to them.

**W:** It's going to be getting very dark here. Yaoi! Lemon(s)! I have warned you of revolting imagery. Later, there will be gore (it'll probably be mild).

* * *

The first dish out of the microwave is a slimy, rather muddy-looking lump that was once a rather nice salad some time ago. Yu pokes at it with his fork to see if it will jiggle or not. It doesn't; he's disappointed. Still, he's pleased with tonight's midnight snack, so he happily digs into it.

The salad's sticky on his tongue somehow. He thinks it's probably cheese. Then again, he _did_ microwave it…perhaps that was the cause of its texture? _I've never had a _hot_ lettuce salad before…it's good._ He eagerly takes bite after bite of it, eating quickly. Unfortunately, he doesn't have the time to savor this salad (though he'd been working for a week to get it to this consistency), since Uncle Dojima was home tonight, and he can't afford to be caught. If it were just him and Nanako…then he would've eaten very slowly until the nausea that rose from his stomach threatened to choke him. _It's hard, having a human body,_ Yu thinks as he finishes off the salad. _It can barely tolerate my divine palate…_

What a shame, that. A real shame. Yu almost punches himself in the stomach to beat the stubborn organ into submission, but from the bubbly sensation rising in it, he knows that would be a big mistake.

* * *

"_hey little guy." the big kid says. "wanna play?" his grin shines bright in the sunlight, with rows of teeth as sharp as a shark's. _

"_no!" Yu says, but the big kid already had his arm in a grip so tight, his skin and bones break and his hand falls off with a shattering but squishy sound and goes rolling away, fingers still wrapped around the handle._

_the big kid is feasting before Yu has the chance to get to it, and then more big kids come to join the other one. the air is filled with the sound of feeding and the world is tainted with red. Yu's face is wet as he looks down at what he was given. it doesn't even compare to what he had, but-_

The next morning, his stomach hurts badly, like it's full of knives. He's learned to deal with this problem, though. He's mastered the art of walking in pain. It barely bothers him anymore. What will his snack be tonight? Yu thinks he should probably start preparing another snack…

Today though, Yosuke wants to eat lunch together because he's made something for them to eat. It's summer break and they're taking a short break from Rise's dungeon…so Yu accepts his invitation, even though he tries to think of a reason not to. For one, Yosuke was helping out at Junes today, so they would meet on his lunch break, but…no, he would just have to go. It's not that his cooking was bad-Yosuke's cooking was actually very decent, and some people could even be persuaded to say that it was even good (he'd definitely come a long way from only cooking eggs!). Yu should be looking forward to this…but he can't. There was once a time when he enjoyed regular food, but that was a long time ago. It no longer satisfied him now, only made him feel anxious. He wanted something more…transcendent? Yes, he craved food that had transcended beyond normality and into something more divine! But for now Yu was stuck with Yosuke's home cooking.

"Hey partner, I remember you saying that you liked chicken teriyaki, so that's what I decided to make last night!" Yosuke said with a sheepish grin as he took out his lunch box. The plastic bag he brought it in nearly blows away in the warm breeze. "Um…I hope you like it. Don't blame me if it tastes bad!"

"It can't be _that_ bad." Yu said reassuringly as Yosuke hands him the bottom tier of the 2-tier bento. "It looks good." The presentation is actually done quite well- Yosuke must've spent a lot of time laying the food out. As soon as he's handed chopsticks, Yu digs in because Yosuke's nervousness is palpable.

The food slides down his throat easily. It's good, and Yu tells Yosuke that so he can stop being so jumpy and calm down already. His approval makes his lover happy, and that's good too. Yu makes sure to eat all of it, even though his dissatisfaction grows with each bite and by the end of the meal he's ready to throw both the lunch and Yosuke off the roof of Junes out of sheer frustration. They are alone on the roof with nothing but the sky and wind for company, so it's not like anyone would notice…it would be so easy, too…throwing Yosuke off the side. Yu doesn't though, and calms the trembling of his hands. Instead he tunes into the conversation he's supposed to be having with Yosuke.

"…so anyway, we're going in tomorrow, right?" Yosuke was saying as he took a bite of rice.

First Yu has to remember what they were talking about. "Yeah." He nods as if to confirm this. "It's going to be another tireless week…but it's going to rain soon, I think. It's best to be quick about saving Rise. We've got about four days at best." With a sadness in his heart, Yu realizes that means forgoing his midnight snacks. _So many sacrifices…_ Then again, he thinks that would give him a little amount of time to start a snack, allow it to mature over the next days…that would be _grand_. His mouth is already watering at that prospect, and he has to focus really hard on what Yosuke's saying.

"I couldn't agree more, partner." Yosuke says with a smile. He leans back with a contented sigh, looking up at the summer sky. His voice takes on a wistful tone. "You know, no one ever comes up here, even though the wind is great."

"It's cooler up here than on ground level, that's for sure. " Yu acknowledges, looking out at the seemingly endless expanse of blue. There were a few fluffy clouds here and there…Yu briefly wondered what they would taste like. Dust, maybe? Then again…what did dust taste like? It would definitely be something he would have to look into.

"Hey, Yu…since no one comes up here…" Yosuke sits back up and leans in close. He begins to place little kisses along Yu's neck.

Yu presses closer to Yosuke because he loves his kisses. He decides to resist a little because he knows that it turns his lover on even more. He pulls away as a soft moan escapes him. "…Yosuke…n-not here…"

"Don't worry, dude." Yosuke inches closer, now leaning over his partner. A sexy smile plays along his lips as he places a hand on Yu's knee. "I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't know for sure that no one came up here." He slides his hand up further until it's resting against Yu's thigh and even further up from there until he comes into contact with the part of Yu that obviously wants more attention. He grinds his palm against it, watching for Yu's reaction.

"Ahh…no…" Yu takes ahold of Yosuke's wrist, feigning shyness. "Don't…a-ah!" He moans when the other presses against him again despite Yu's rather weak hold.

"…stop acting like you don't want to, Yu." Yosuke says, his voice low as he leans in to whisper against Yu's ear. "Partner…I know what you want…" His voice turns silky as his hand slowly presses against the growing erection in Yu's pants.

Yu felt a shiver go through him; he loves this part of Yosuke- this part knew just how to ravage him. "…what…what do I want, Yosuke…?" His breathing is shallow and fast from anticipation.

"You want me to fuck you right here…" The only thing that betrayed Yosuke's inner feelings of nervous anxiety were his trembling fingers. "…right now." His lips trail down, away from Yu's ear, and down his exposed neck.

"…Is it okay…for us to do this here…?" Yu asks, his voice faint. He tilts head to one side, giving Yosuke full access to the other side of his neck.

"I told you it's okay, dude." Yosuke mumbled against his collar bone. He lifted his head. "Trust me, okay, partner?" Before he could answer, Yosuke silences Yu with a deep kiss, hands fumbling with his belt and zipper.

Yosuke's tongue is warm and wet like the rest of his mouth, and it tastes like something sweet. It's a pleasant taste, left over from the teriyaki. _If I bite it hard enough…will it burst with blood, or…teriyaki sauce? Or maybe ponzu?_ His thoughts distract him, and Yu hardly pays attention when Yosuke's member rubs against his own. His hips buck as an automatic response and suddenly Yosuke's fingers are in his mouth instead of his tongue. Yu almost chokes, though he recovers from his initial shock quickly. Yosuke's fingers taste salty and a bit better like cum, and Yu moans around them as something hot and wet rubs against his member. It's Yosuke. He's hard as a rock and leaking.

"…goddamn, partner…" Yosuke says as removes his fingers, his voice breathy. "Gonna be a little rough…I'm sorry." His wet fingers travel down, down until they press into Yu and cause moans to bubble out of him.

After that, it doesn't take long. Yosuke takes a shaky breath, takes his fingers out and pushes his way inside. He sets a fast pace that makes Yu's body jump and twitch with pleasure and everything feels really good- the hard cement of the roof, the sweat trickling down his back, Yosuke's hard grip on his ass- everything. It's so good he's moaning things like "Yosuke, harder, faster, deeper, ah- right there!", his mouth against Yosuke's shoulder. It's too bad they're not fully naked, because Yu wants to taste Yosuke's skin- he's tired of the taste of a wet, clean shirt. He turns his head to the side and licks his lover's neck instead. The skin is so warm it makes his head swim, though he thinks maybe it's because he's approaching his release. Yosuke jerks and from there it's only a matter of seconds- Yosuke's breath is fast and heavy in Yu's ear, his thrusts slow down for a second and he comes, Yu's name tumbling from his lips. Yu's not far behind him. They stay like that for a few moments, wrapped in an embrace until Yosuke pulls back and kisses Yu again and again, his breath faint and hot.

"…Yosuke…" Yu says in between kisses. "…Junes…roof…"

Yosuke tears away from him almost immediately. "…right! Oh shit, my clothes!" He nearly shouts, looking down at his shirt, which had a pretty obvious stain on the front. "…please, God, don't let my dad see this…"

"Do you want me to lick it?" Yu asks with a sexy smirk. Of course, Yosuke, with his normal-boy brain, would think he was joking…but he was not. Yu seriously wanted something…something extraordinary to eat, or at least something to take the taste of Yosuke and their earlier lunch off his tongue. Unfortunately, he had to wait until that evening.

As expected, Yosuke gives him an incredulous look before his usual carefree smile breaks out onto his face. "You want to play naughty now, partner? Is that a way of getting me to spank you?"

"Yes," Yu says honestly. This time he's not thinking about food. He actually likes his sexy roleplay a little painful. "I've been very bad…"

"There's no time for that, though…" Yosuke says, shaking his head as a dreamy sigh leaves his lips. "I gotta find something to cover this with…"

"What about your apron?" Yu gestures to Yosuke's forgotten apron lying on the ground a few feet away from them, anchored by his lunchbox that was sitting down on top of it. "I'll go get it." He starts to get up, but Yosuke grabs his wrist. "Yeah?"

"No, wait…we don't, um, have to go back right this second…sit back down." His voice is soft and pleading as he looks away, a deep blush spreading onto his face. "…I just wanna…uh, stay in you for a little while longer so…"

Yu smiles and sits down, wincing a little at the slight burn from sliding back down onto Yosuke's member. He doesn't know why Yosuke gets so romantic after sex, but he humors him anyway. It can be quite endearing sometimes.

"You're so hot, Yu…" Yosuke says, his voice muffled against Yu's neck.

"Aren't you going to get _excited_ again like this?" Yu asks after a few moments. "Eventually, someone's going to come looking for you.

"Yeah, you're right." Yosuke says with a nod. "…okay."

The rest of their time together dissolves into senseless chatter and momentary pockets of comfortable silence. Yu dared not pay too close attention their discussion for fear that it would distract him from his previous engagement- planning his snack for tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

That night, Yu takes out a curiously fuzzy takeout meal he'd bought at Aiya with Kou and Daisuke a couple of weeks ago. It was supposed to be some sort of meat bowl. He wasn't able to tell what kind of meat it was now. Was it a chicken bowl? Or a beef one? Maybe it had shrimp in it? _Perhaps_, Yu thinks as he prepares his feast, _it's a new type of meat_.

He enjoys what part of it he can before his stomach refuses to ingest anymore. Yu hates, _hates_ how he can't finish it, but at this point, he's so nauseated he's honestly a bit dizzy.

_It tasted heavenly, for what it's worth…_ Yu nearly falls off his chair, but he manages to get up to throw away his precious meal. The bowl is hovering right over the trash bin, trembling in his shaky grip. He really doesn't want to let go of it. Yu looks back at his snack…the dry meat, the slimly rice, the tangy vegetables (at least, that's what he thought they were)… He won't be able to enjoy any more of his snacks this coming week, so…

He greedily takes another spoonful, savoring the plethora of flavors that exploded in his mouth. It goes down his throat with a forceful swallow…and his stomach decides to revolt. Vomit rushes up and is out of his mouth before he even has the chance to swallow it back down. _Shit!_ He hastily opens the trash bin before any more of it gets on the floor.

Things instantly become worse when Yu hears the front door slide open only about a half minute later. The door closes, heavy footsteps echo in his ears…and Uncle Dojima comes in. Unfortunately, he's still doubled over the trash bin.

"Yu! What the hell-" The gruff man starts, rushing over and standing next to him. He must've seen the rest of Yu's meal sitting on the counter, because he starts yelling. It's amazing that Nanako doesn't come in. "Why would you eat this?!"

_**Fuck!**__ Why the fuck- no, first…I have to calm down._ Yu finishes and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. He stands up straight and avoids Dojima's gaze. "Well…I was hungry…" He says slowly, measuring out each word. He's still panicky, but manages to pull on a calm mask.

Dojima's giving him a stern look, and Yu knows he's due for more of an explanation than that. His uncle shakes his head and throws the rest of the meal in the trash. It hurts Yu to see it go, but he doesn't have the time to whine over it and he turns his attention back to Dojima. "Do we not have enough food here?"

He has to pick his response carefully; Yu cannot trap himself by saying "no…"- that would just raise suspicion. He decides to play it dumb. "I thought it was still good." Yu's so glad that he decided to join the drama club instead of the music club- he's a pro at the teary-eyed act now. "I'm so sorry, Uncle…"

"…Just make sure it's good next time. Don't eat anything that looks or smells bad. I'll put some money on the table for you guys to go shopping with." Dojima says, shaking his head again. "Go to bed. I'll clean this up."

"Thank you… I promise I'll be careful next time." Yu walks away quickly, feeling a bit disappointed in himself. He should've been more careful. He won't be able to enjoy his snacks anymore now…and he knows that somehow Dojima didn't completely buy his act. _Damn it, _he thinks as he opens the door to his room. The light was still off from when he'd woken up to eat his snack. He _needs_ those snacks! He needs the taste of heaven! Of ambrosia! Those tastes couldn't be achieved by normal food! _Shit!_

Yu slides under the disheveled covers on his futon. It envelopes him in a comforting warmth, though it does nothing to soothe his nerves. His stomach does a sickening roll and the inside of his mouth feels disgustingly oily. For a minute he thinks he's about to throw up again, but he then realizes it must be the panic that's hammering through him as if it were blood. _Calm down,_ Yu instructs himself, curling up into a ball, grabbing at his hair with his hands. _It's not the end of the goddamn world…I'll find a way…I will, I always do._ With that small reassurance, he's able to drift off into a troubled sleep.

* * *

_in a white room, everything is monochrome._

_yu's been in this room many times. every time it's after his head is hot and his stomach is sick. every time, there is no entrance or exit; the faceless people just walk through walls._

they _do, anyway. he doesn't- he can't; there's no entrance or exit for him. he sits for a long time and finally his Mother comes out through a wall marked "DOCTOR -". the world turns dark and everyone turns to him, jagged red lines rip and zigzag across their faces and the lines part in wicked grins full of rows and rows of teeth. they all start to come towards him, closer, closer, his heart beats wildly-_

_Mother gets to him first. yu's scared; her face is black scribbles moving angrily about and the silence is destroyed with garbled yelling. the people are gone now. his Mother grabs him, her fingers slowly break his skin and he's bleeding. scared, he's so scared-_

The next day starts off very miserable as Yu tries to perk up. The sky is bright with sunlight and fluffy, white clouds dot the cheery blue like big puffs of old whipped cream. It's not too hot out today- the perfect day for walking around the countryside. He should be happy, but his snacks…his wonderful snacks…when and where would he be able to eat them? If he didn't formulate a plan soon…Yu tries to calm his rapidly beating heart and jumpy stomach. _I'll find a way…I have to._

Chie had called him that morning asking him when everyone was supposed to meet up at their "secret headquarters", and Yu was on his way to Junes now. Yosuke was supposed to meet him halfway there.

Yu's so absorbed in making a plan for his snacks that he doesn't even notice that he's passed the halfway point and that Yosuke's already fallen in step beside him.

"'Morning, partner! It's a nice day, huh?" Yosuke says cheerily, a content smile on his face. He goes on to talk about something that only he cares about. After a few moments, he walks a little closer to Yu so that no one will hear what he says next. "So, do you think we'll be able to pull off a rescue today? I'm feeling anxious."

It takes Yu a few moments to respond. He's incredibly irritated by Yosuke's sunny mood, and before he can speak, he has to calm down first. "…I don't know." He manages a short response without sounding too put-off.

"Something wrong?" Yosuke asks, patting Yu on the back.

The touch makes anger rise in him like a vicious beast, and he bristles instantly. Yu pushes it back down because it's really not Yosuke's fault that he's so on-edge today. It really isn't. The angry beast inside of him snarls at him all the way back down. Yu struggles to pull on the tiniest of smiles. "No…nothing. I'm just as anxious as you are." It was part of the truth, though he was feeling a lot more than just anxious. His stomach rolls once, twice, and he feels so sick he thinks he's going to fall over.

"Okay, man…" Yosuke eyes him warily but goes on to talk about something else. "…um, yesterday…" His face flushes hotly, and he looks away, down at the ground. "I hope I didn't hurt you…"

"Not at all." Yu says, grateful that Junes is visible on the horizon and only a few blocks away now. "It was good." He's still feeling sick, but so far he's managing to keep it at bay.

Yosuke laughs at that- his laugh is short and nervous. "Thanks, partner." He smiles again, a bright smile that reaches his eyes. "Alright! Let's go save her!" He motions towards the front door of Junes, waiting for Yu to go first.

Yu takes a step, his stomach jumps; bile rushes into his throat and rises in the back of his mouth. This time, he swallows hard and it goes back down. _Calm the hell down…I need to calm the hell down and stop panicking…_He builds a fragile resolve and he finally stops feeling so on-edge. For the first time that day, Yu's misery lifts a bit and he finds that he's actually excited to go dungeon-crawling today.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Sorry for the long wait! I was writing other things _. Thanks for reading :), it makes me happy to know some people can enjoy this fic :D. My details on the beasties in Rise's dungeon are a little hazy (it's been a long time)…for that I am doubly sorry! I corrected some typos as well.

* * *

The beast is large and imposing, and closely resembles a lion, except it has black fur and red eyes. There is a floating ball above the beast's head with the shadow mask on it. The ball is linked to the beast by a strong chain coming from it and hooking onto a heavy-looking collar around the beast's neck. The beast stares at them hungrily, a low growl coming from its throat.

"…I don't like the look of this kitty, guys." Yosuke says, off to the right of Yu. He's pauses his music momentarily as he prepares to defend himself.

"It…it can't be that strong! We've bulldozed right through all the other shadows on this floor!" Chie pipes up, her voice filled with courage. "You think Yukiko's gonna be alright with just the fox?"

"This ain't nothin' to be scared of! Let's have at it already!" Kanji's clearly ready for action.

"Are you guys sure about this? He looks beary hungry!" Teddie's standing very far away, but he cuts in with one of his obnoxious bear puns.

"Dude! If you say _another_ bear pun, I _swear_ I will rip out all of your fur!" Yosuke snaps, whipping around to face Teddie.

"H-hey, if he rips out your fur, Teddie…can I touch it?"

"No! Sensei! Yosuke's being so mean to me! My humor gives you all strength, right?!"

"Uh, guys…the shadow…?" Chie tries to break up the argument by bringing Yosuke, Kanji and Teddie's attention back to the fight. It doesn't work and instead she gets swept up in it when someone says something about steak or something.

Yu stares at the beast, studies it closely. He watches its tail sway back and forth enticingly, as if it's baiting him. A thought flickers across his mind- _I wonder how shadows taste…_ The beast is studying him too now, and Yu thinks that it may have picked up on his thoughts. Its eyes burn into him as a smirk creeps onto his face. _I wonder how you'd taste on my tongue? How would I prepare you? Hmm…close to the fire…broiling or grilling you would be best._ That's it! He's got it! He's going to take that beast for his snack!

With urgency in his movements, Yu summons one of his persona and calls out "Agilao!" The petty argument between his team members comes to an abrupt halt as the beast is engulfed in a burst of flame before falling over. They all exchange a look before heading in to pounce on it. In the chaos of the group attack, Yu manages to cut off the one piece of this beast that he was eying so ravenously. It quivers in his hand a little before becoming completely still, its delightfully stiff fur rubbing invitingly against his fingers. He quickly slides it into his pants pocket. Relief and elation swells in his chest- he has found a way to continue his snacks! Yu can barely contain his excitement and the next few hours seem to drag on.

Afterwards, Yosuke comes over to him once everyone has gone home (except for Teddie, who had to go start his afternoon shift). The food court was bathed in various strikingly orange tones as the evening sun began to sink. It was starting to look like some sort of orange salad…Yu shook the thoughts from his mind. It was making him hungry. Taking out the tail in his pocket and gnawing at it right now definitely wouldn't be the sane thing to do. There were only a few people still in the court, so he likely wouldn't be caught, but then again, he _was_ sitting directly across from Yosuke…

"Hey, partner…" Yosuke starts, looking down at the table they were sitting at. The sunlight glinting in his hair made his head look as if it were surrounded by a fiery halo.

"Yeah?" Yu hoped he didn't sound too impatient, he was just anxious to eat his newfound treat.

"Do you wanna…wanna spend the night at my place sometime next week? We could play games, you could _please_ help me with my homework, and then…we could do um, _other_ things." He looks over at Yu with a hopeful look gleaming in his eyes.

Yu pretended to turn it over in his mind. "I'm a bit curious as to what 'other things' we'll be doing, but I suppose I could come help you with your workload."

Yosuke smiles gratefully. "Thanks! We'll have a little party of our own since we'll have saved Rise by that time." He cast a cautious glance around them before leaning in and placing a quick kiss against Yu's lips. "We're gonna have a lot of fun, partner."

"Of course." Yu says with a little smirk. "I _always_ have a good time at _Yosuke-senpai's_ house." He added silkily, fingering the shadow's tail in his pocket.

"Oh come on, dude! I told you _not_ to use that tone in public…" Yosuke acts annoyed, but he smiles anyway. "Well, my dad's probably going to come looking for me, so I'll see ya later, partner!"

"Bye, Yosuke-senpai." He couldn't resist seeing the red flush of color that appeared on Yosuke's cheeks and ears- it reminded him of raw meat.

"Dude! Seriously!" Yosuke snaps as he walks away. He quickly disappears inside Junes.

How grateful Yu was for that. He didn't know if he could've taken anymore of Yosuke's cheerful banter. He liked to think he had infinite patience, but of course he didn't- that was just a fanciful thought. He thought a little more before jumping up and briskly walking home.

* * *

Yu forced himself to wait until an hour after he's put Nanako to bed to begin working on his newfound snack. It's going to be another late night for his uncle, so there would be no surprises like what happened the night before.

The tail looks lovely on the cutting board. He should probably skin it first- he may eat a lot of things, but having a mouth full of bristly, stiff fur does not appeal to him. Yu picks the best knife in the drawer- a small one with a slender, sharp blade. It is fairly new, too-the shiny, silver sheen of the steel has not yet faded away to a dull gray. Yu swallows his excitement and begins to skin the tail, being careful not to cut off too much of the black meat. It does not take him long to rid his snack of its beautiful black fur.

When he finishes, all that is left is a long stretch of gleaming black meat clinging to a central black bone. The meat looks as though it is covered in water, and Yu swipes his hand across the cold surface. It comes away covered in a wet, smoky gray substance. He stares at it for a few seconds before realization dawns on him- _blood. This must be the shadow's blood._ He puts his finger in his mouth…it certainly doesn't taste metallic…but he doesn't have any time to sit and figure out what it tastes like.

Yu places the tail in a frying pan that he's already heated up. It makes a delightful sizzling sound when it hits the pan. He fries it quickly in a little butter (because it wouldn't leave as much of a smell as other oils) and seasons it simply with salt and pepper. The meat is just as black as it was when he'd skinned it. The smell of the tail as it cooks is indescribable, but it has his stomach growling and his mouth watering all the same.

An important part of his snack planning is deciding on the presentation if time permits of course…which luckily he does have since the tail didn't take long to cook. Yu decideds to plate it on a bed of spinach leaves, the deep green of them serving to highlight the rich black of the tail. His impatience is getting the better of him so he doesn't even bother slicing the meat and separating it from the tail bone before sitting down and spearing it with a fork, since it was a bit hard to balance correctly with chopsticks. Yu blows on the tail before taking a bite; he definitely wouldn't want to burn his tongue at this moment.

The meat is…tasteless. _Tasteless_ with the exception of a hint of the familiar irony tang of blood. It is downright disappointing. Yu's exhaustion from the earlier training session comes crashing down on him, having been kept at bay by his now waning excitement. He finishes it quickly and goes to bed with anger and anxiety building in his chest.

Yu hardly sleeps; nightmares run rampant through his mind like unruly children.

* * *

_running, so much running the slime pulls him back. he's panicking because he can't breathe and his eyes sting and his heart beats so hard that it's dizzying and painful, his chest constricts tighter, tighter- he pulls free of the glob of slime and out into the dim playground. he smiles, takes in a big gulp of clean air-_

_but he has no time to be happy. the big kid comes with other big kids out of another slimy glob that has a painted door on its unstable surface. he's tried to use that door before, but each time he did, the door slipped further inside the slime as if it were rejecting him. yu gave up gradually and one day the door became painted._

_the big kids come at him- yu's seen this many times already… their slimy, large mouths with lolling tongues set in an otherwise dark face, their large, towering bodies carried on stout legs, their feet pounding the earth creating heavy thuds that ripple through his body and stir up his insides. they are always laughing, and the sound pounds on his ear drums even today. yu doesn't struggle as they grab at him and tear at his limbs before grabbing what's in his torn-off hands lying a foot away in the rainbow-colored dirt. but he's crying, crying so hard that the world rings with the sound and thunder and his mouth is full of blood-_

* * *

Yu forces his eyes to open, his body stiff and alert with panic and anxiety. His chest has tightened to the point of pain, and as he wheezes to get air back into his lungs, a scream is buried deep in his throat. He tries to get up, but he can't- his arms were cut off-

_It was just a dream,_ Yu tells his frightened mind, his rigid limbs and pounding heart. _You're not in danger anymore. It was just a dream...and you can move. You can move, damn it!_ It takes more willpower than usual, but Yu gathers enough to lift one of his heavy arms. With some extra effort, he manages to sit up.

"A dream…" Yu mumbles to himself as if confirming it once more. His tongue feels heavy and thick, and his mouth gets the same oily feeling from a day ago. He spits a few times, relieved to find that he doesn't have a mouthful of blood. _Well of course I don't…how silly of me._ Caught up in berating himself for being so foolish, it takes him a few moments to realize that he's still gripping his chest tightly with one hand. He slowly releases his painful grip while trying to further calm his breathing. Yu calms down a little before getting up and proceeding to kick his futon to the other side of the room (it took a little bit of time and effort, but he was determined). He was definitely not going back to sleep tonight.

Not more than ten minutes later, Yu finds himself dozing off while staring at a book. He has to pinch himself hard to stay awake. He checks his watch, though through the sleepiness clouding his mind and eyes the numbers on the white clock face look like nothing more than black smudges. He manages to make sense of them- it's a little after 6 a.m. He only had a couple of more hours before getting ready for another round of dungeon-crawling and killing more tasteless shadows.

Shadows…what a disappointment that beast had been. How could something made up of darkness and emotion and whatever the hell else come out tasting so…_bland_? Yu doesn't know what he should do about this problem, and it's horribly frustrating.

"…shit." The earlier disappointment from the shadow's meat along with its accompanying anxiety and his own nagging sense of failure well up inside of him until he's full to the point of bursting into tears. Yu swallows and takes deep, steady breaths. _I am not going to cry. I am not going to give in. I __**will**__ find another way to get what I need…that's how it's always been._ He calms down, though his hands are balled into tight fists sitting on the desk in front of him, his arms trembling from the strain. To avoid agonizing any further over his snacks, he forcibly directs his attention back to the book.

* * *

It's half past nine when Yu jolts awake, his face buried in the book and his body stiff and painful from his uncomfortable sitting position. His mind is still foggy from his peaceful, dreamless sleep. Yu almost lays his head back down when his cellphone rings, shattering the comfortable silence with its jarringly loud, obnoxious and persistent beeping.

Yu answers with a quiet and distant greeting. "Hello?"

"**Dude!**" Yosuke's anxious voice cuts through the fog of his mind like an axe. "_Where_ are you?! We're supposed to be saving a really cute girl today!"

"…what?!" Yu hurriedly wipes the sleep from his eyes and jumps up from his chair. A dizzying sensation fills his head and he sways on his feet a little.

"Yu? Are you with me, man? We were all supposed to meet at eight-thirty!"

"Ah! I'm sorry, I'll be right there!" Yu hangs up before Yosuke can say anything more, though he thought he heard him say "she"…_no, even if Yosuke _had_ said that, there was no chance that it had anything to do with…_

…_with?_ Yu's lost his train of thought, but there was no time for restoring it. He changes out of his pajamas and into some regular clothes as fast as he can manage. He rushes out of his room, through the living room, into the kitchen to quickly grab the first thing he sees in the fridge before running to put on his shoes. He thought he head Nanako asking if something was wrong, but he doesn't have time to answer her. If it were any other day, he would have congratulated himself on beating it out the door in ten minutes. When he bursts through the front door, the air outside seems to wrap itself around his neck and strangle him. It's hot and muggy, and Yu can hardly breathe but he races down the street like a madman anyway.

* * *

It's about five to ten when Yu finally makes it to Junes. He hasn't eaten anything and his head is pounding with a massive headache. He's out of breath and a little dizzy but he still recognizes the team as soon as he sets foot in the food court. It smells surprisingly good here, like fried meat and roasting onion… He realizes that this whole time, he's been holding a peach in his hand. That must've been what he grabbed out of the fridge. It feels good and firm against his palm, but he doesn't want to eat it…

"There you are, partner! I was gonna die if we had to wait any longer. You know, keeping Chie away from steak is a full-time job." Yosuke says as Yu approaches the table.

"What?! Who said it had to be _your_ job?" Chie snaps before giving Yu a friendly smile. "_Anyway_, we're all ready to go when you are."

"Yes…we should be able to finish today. Teddie said that we were very close to her last time." Yukiko says, steely determination in her voice. Yu was surprised that she didn't laugh at Chie and Yosuke's mini-squabbling as she usually did. Then again, no one was goofing around. Everyone looks determined to save Rise. Yu feels guilty and dirty that he's more preoccupied with his snacks. It's not as if he doesn't have any faith in the team; he knows they would save her, but he also knows that won't solve his problem… "Let's go." Everyone gets up, more than eager to save Rise. Yu's gaze flickers to Yosuke, at his pants that are a blaring red. They seem to be glaring at him somehow, but then they are beckoning him and he has to look away. He hopes that he will feel less guilty by the end of this dungeon, because all he can think about right now is how much he'd rather taste-

"What's the matter Senpai?" Kanji asks suddenly, his voice jarring Yu out of his thoughts. They were walking through the electronic section of Junes, though Yosuke, Chie and Yukiko were already standing next to the TV, waiting for them a little impatiently. Kanji must have fallen back out of concern.

"Oh, it's nothing. Thanks." It wasn't nothing, but it wasn't like Yu could tell Kanji. He was grateful Kanji didn't push the matter…because there was nothing Yu could say that would make his problem any less weird and…disturbing (even though he didn't think it was) than it already was…Anyway, now wasn't the time to think about this. Yu manages to banish all of his distracting thoughts before going into the TV with everyone. He needed to focus!


End file.
